My Unhealthy Relationship With Makeup

For as long as I can remember, I've always loved makeup. When I was little I used to riffle through my mum's lipstick collection and be amazed by the bright colours, waxy smell and creamy texture of the numerous shades she had collected over the years.

I don't remember my mum ever telling me I couldn't wear makeup, although I'm sure she did when I was very little, but since I was about 12, I've worn a flick of black liquid eyeliner across my eyelids. It's my signature look, and without it I look like a different person. No, scrap that...I feel like a different person.

As I've got older my makeup skills have developed and I can now (kind of) contour, blend eyeshadow properly and line my lips to make them look fuller (thanks YouTube!) But there's something I've realised about myself and my relationship with makeup - I don't really wear it for myself, I wear it because I feel it makes me seem more professional.

I caught sight of myself in the bus window on the way to work recently and my immediate thought was, "oh, I've actually got quite a lot of makeup on today" but that thought quickly changed to, "of course I do... I'm going to work!" Now don't get me wrong, I don't wear inappropriate makeup to work, but I would never dream of going in barefaced either.

*Controversial opinion alert* In the past I found myself judging those who didn't wear makeup to work. I also used to get so wound up when I saw someone applying makeup on their commute. It just annoyed me so much, and in my head I jumped to the conclusion that they didn't have their life in order - I mean if you can't wake up early enough to apply your makeup in morning, who even are you? (I'm joking about this last bit...obvs)

I know that will offend a few people, but I am delighted to say that after taking a long hard look at myself, I no longer think that way. In fact, I've realised is that it's ME who has an unhealthy relationship with makeup.

I actually wish I was the kind of woman who went in to work without makeup on and still felt professional - there is literally no reason why they shouldn't! I wish I had the confidence (and, who am I kidding, the skills) to apply my makeup on the train. I'm jealous of those women...heck, I want to be those  women.

This view obviously stems from my own insecurities, and also judgement in the past. On the rare occasions when I would head into work without makeup or even without my signature black eyeliner, at least one person would ask "are you okay?" or say: "you look different, are you tired?"All that did was reinforce the opinion in my mind that without makeup on, I looked like my life was a mess.

Yes, my brain is weird, I know. It's a pretty big conclusion to jump to and lot of women would never make that association, but I am sure there are more people like me out there that feel like, for some reason, wearing makeup, or not wearing makeup in this case, changes someone's view of them.

Of course, there is the flip side to this argument, which is: I wear makeup because I want to. And for me this is always part of the reason I sit in front of the mirror daily. However, when I get ready for work in the morning, I don't feel like I'm putting on makeup for me. Instead it's because I'm stuck with this unwritten, totally-made-up-in-my-head rule that without it, I will be judged as less professional.

So I'm pledging to start falling in love with wearing makeup for me again, and also NOT wearing makeup for me again. 

Who's with me?

The Beauty Magpie x

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